Measuring Up?

I saw a ruler the other day and I must admit that when I saw it, I wanted to see if I measured up. What is it about measuring up that's so important to us men and women. Let's face it size matters and guys we're always curious and obsessed about the size of our manhood because it's a big part (no pun intended) of who we are. There are lots of women who say it doesn't matter and let's face it girls a lot of you are lying because I've talked to a lot of you concerning boys and you're on the lookout for big schlongs just as I am. Size definitely matters to all of us. So, going back to this measuring thing as a guy I can't help but be obsessed by it. Even though I know how equipped I am, I still can't help but pick up that ruler and check it out to see if I'm bigger or hell even smaller. I dunno...maybe I'm just paranoid...anyone wanna sound off?

Masturbating ain't what it used to be...sorta

When I was growing up here in Greenville, MS. I used to masturbate like a fiend. I can remember the my first fond memory of the date with my right hand. The movie we saw together in the privacy of my room was The Name Of The Rose. Now, when I come home to visit the family, I have to do the deed before I leave the ATH because I just can't masturbate at home anymore. It just doesn't feel right to masturbate at home. It's so odd, that home was once your masturbation headquaters and then after you go away and come back, you just can't do it there anymore. It just feels weird and dirty. Ewww....

Morning Wood, Thanksgiving, Family, & Alexander

Well as Thanksgiving began to approach I started to get very nervous because I had to go to a family reunion which was taking place in New Orleans. It was a family reunion on my Mom's side of the family. My mom is one of 8 children and each one of her brothers and sisters have at least 2 kids each and all of them came down as well. I was nervous to be all around them because I'm a bit of a loner (I'll get to that later) and none of them know about me being heterosexually challenged and pretty much all of my family is extremely homophobic. The 2 aforementioned reasons is why I usually stay away from these things but my mom who really wanted me to attend and the attraction of shopping in New Orleans for some vinyl enhanced my potential to attend.

So, I drive down 8 hours to meet up with everyone and the house is a buzz with everyone. I have at least 20 1st cousins there ranging from ages 2-29. It was so weird to see everyone. They're all so loud and huge (I mean 200-300 lb huge-I thought I was fat), and they're all loud and GHETTO!!! I get there and hang out with my mom a little bit and then I see a friendly face in my cousin Angela who is really right-on and we think at the same level. So, I hang out with her and we decide to go see Alexander together because we appreciate Stone and we really wanted to see the film.

So later on that night we go back to the hotel. My parents got 2 rooms. One room was for my sister, her boyfriend, and her little girl. The other one was for me and my parents. I must admit I felt very weird sharing a room with my parents. I even felt weird getting ready for bed in front of them. The worst part though was waking up the next morning. My parents were already up and moving around and I had morning wood. I mean...how in the hell do you hide morning wood from your parents. If I was at home, I wouldn't have this problem, but morning wood?!? Oh my god, it was terrifying. After that, I was chatting it up with my dad about my niece his granddaughter and he was telling me what a loner she was and she's just recently turned 6 yrs old. He was saying how she followed in his footsteps and that I've followed in his as well. When he mentioned it, it did kinda make sense. I am a sociable person, but sometimes I definitely like my alone time even when I'm in big social settings I do tend to get by myself. It was just a little weird.

The worst part hands down of the trip was my theatre experience of Alexander. As I mentioned earlier my cousin Angela and I decided to go see Alexander. She's really cool and I think if I were able to come out to anyone it would be to her. So, Thanksgiving night we got to the theatre early because we knew how busy it was and we didn't want the tickets to Alexander to sell out. Our showing was @ 9:45 pm. We arrived @ 9 pm. Our other cousins hadn't arrived yet, they had planned on seeing Seed Of Chucky (which isn't that great). Angela and I started to see that all of the other movies were selling out. She told me that she thought that everyone else would probably see Alexander with us because there would be nothing left. I was scared of that because I knew the film had strong gay overtones and I knew that they wouldn't be mature enough to watch the film and accept it for what it was. Surely enough, that's what happened. Every thing else sold out, and all of my cousins had no choice but to watch Alexander. So, before the movie, they all bought drinks because believe it or not you can buy alcolholic beverages at movie theatres in New Orleans before your movie starts. So, Angela and I went in first and they all eventually surrounded us. Everything was going O.K. until the gay content came up and they were disgusted by it and let everyone in the theatre know that they were disgusted. They audibly voiced their disgust as the movie went on. They made homophobic jokes throughout the rest of the film. It was very uncomfortable experience. My sister, who's the only one who knows about me, apologized profusely for their unruly behavoir. She's so sweet, it wasn't even her fault. The next morning when we all met up with the rest of the family, Alexander was the hot topic of the morning and everyone talked about homosexuality and just how horrible and wrong it was and how disgusting it was. Everyone made jokes and laughed even more. It was one of the few times that I felt pretty disgusted to be around my own family and I vow that if I can help it that I will never be around them ever again. I will just surround myself with my mom, dad, sister, and niece.

I must admit I envy those families who can be around one another and be open with each other. Those families are still kinda fucked up in some way, but not as fucked up as mine. Whew...that's a mouthful.

Flirting & Dissing...What Bullshit

OK...so I had a crush on this punk rocker that I've known on and off for about a year. He moved into town nearly 2 months ago. So, we see each other...flirt...make out a little. OK...so these things only happen when he's drunk. I never take push the situation in those instances because I make it a rule not to make out with someone when they're staggering drunk...it's just bad news. So, finally when I catch him at a sober moment, I invite him over to dinner at my place with the sole intention of seducing him because he's hot. So, he never calls me about dinner (no surprise there) and now he has a girlfriend. When I see him in public now, everything is different he's kinds dissing me. Man...another guy a victim of sexual confusion. Which is kinda shitty for the both of us I guess....I would've really liked to make out with him because he has a huge schlong. Oh well...

Ken Park

I had Mr. JK and the illustrious Mr. Ben "Makin The" Bacon, his last name is actually Makin but I just couldn't resist the rhyme since Ben Makin love was already taken, over to watch Ken Park. Ken Park was a film that was directed by Larry Clark & Ed Lachman from a screenplay written by Harmony Korine. It's a shocking movie that I felt had to be shared with others. I invite a lot of people over to watch movies, but I limited this specific movie to just the 2 of them because of the rawness of it. I was nervous about their perception of it, but they liked it. I was glad...

I've Got Those Need A Man Blues...Again

Holy crap,

It's been quite some time since I've seen a man naked...let alone make out with him. I've been getting the hunkerin again. As usual, I'm divided about what I want. A part of me would really like to kinda date someone. I would like to have dinner with someone, go out to a movie, go roller skating, bowling, etc. Hell...it would even be better if he'd paid for all of it. The other part of me just wants to get freaky with someone. Sometimes, you just need a good freak...you know??? We'll see what happens.

My Future Ex Husbands

For those who read my last post and didn't understand what I meant about my future ex-husband...let me set the record straight. I plan on getting married and divorced twice to two men who I have pretty big crushes on. These men for future reference in no specific order will be referred to as Saucey (from that future band which will be on VH1's Top Twenty Video Countdown...Astra) and Beecher (who tosses it up at The Grit). I don't know which one I'll marry first but the one who beds me first will get to put the ring on my finger. Hell...if anyone else beats em to the punch I'll settle down. We'll see... You'll be hearing talk a lot about these boys.

DJ Mahogany's Right-On Super Soul Dance Party

Mr. JK , my pseudo heterosexual boyfriend-a title given to Mr. JK by Big Gray who I think is getting a little of jealous of Mr. JK, and I were hanging out at the glitzy Manhattan's one night earlier this month when he suggested that I should DJ a show at Wunderhaus which is bartended by one of the nicest guys in Athens...Knut. So, after some gentle prodding from Mr. JK, I approached Knut about the idea and he was very supportive. When a date was set and the time began to approach...I was so nervous about the whole thing. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it. I had 2 big tests that week and I was freaking out. I had some people who flat out told me that they were skeptical and in so many words told me that they didn't think that it was going to work out. Hearing that made me even more nervous. I didn't have all the equiptment necessary and I was in shambles. Big Gray, my pseudo heterosexual husband-and I must use that very loosely because his beautiful wife might make me eat vegetables or something if she reads this, was very "husbandly" and took care of what I needed in terms of what type of mixer I needed and setting up my sound.

When it came down to it. Everything worked out perfectly. A lot of people came out, danced, and had a great time. Everyone loved the music, even the stuff they didn't know about. I got to dance with some cute boys I have crushes on and I felt their crotches against me which was awesome. Even my 1st future ex-husband Saucey took time from his uber successful band Astra (who doesn't sound like Wilco...too much) to say hello. I was even asked by Knut to come back.

So, I have to give special thanks to Big Gray for making it happen and last but definitely not least to Mr. JK for suggesting it in the first place. It would not have happened without his urging.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

I saw this movie finally for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it was so awesome. I think it's one of the best films to really put the anatomy of a relationship on the table and examine it thoroughly. Jim Carrey is awesome in it. I didn't get all teary eyed though like some people say they did when they watched it, but I was thoroughly moved.

What the hell is taking so long...

Hi...

I know that's it been quite some time since my last posting. I should be thoroughly spanked, but I've been quite a busy lad and I've got a lot to share. There's been a lot going on lately both good and bad and I must share it with all of you. So here goes...

To Quote That Shitty Ass Band Staind...It's Been Awhile

I haven't been reporting anything lately because there hasn't been much adventure in my life because of get this...studying. The plethera of tests bestowed upon me began Tuesday of last week and ended Tuesday of this week.

I called out of work Wednesday in order to study. The day I called out was the day that Bush won the election. There were a lot of sad people that day. A lot of my friends did begin to apologize to me about the gay marriage thing. To be honest, I really didn't care. I've never really cared about gay marriage. I just can't think of marriage as being a good institution of anyone gay or straight.

I just can't fathom spending the rest of my life with someone joined at the hip. I mean once you get married...it becomes pretty boring. I mean let's face it....it's a lot more fun when you're living separately and dating. When you do that, it keeps excitement and mystery in a relationship. I like that expectation of living day to day without any worries. I think that's why so many relationships fail, because there's no excitement or mystery. It really sickens me to see people marry so young or to be so consumed in a relationship that you lose your outside view on the world. I dunno...Basically, the whole gay marriage thing...I'm definetely not upset with how it turned out. I would've liked it pass for other people who believed in though. I guess there's different strokes for different folks. That's what makes the world go round.

DJ Mahogany's Right-On Super Soul Dance Extravaganza

At the suggestion of one of my best friends, MR. JK, I asked a mutual friend of ours to let me DJ a soul show and he said yes. I'm very excited and scared about this show. I'm excited because I'll be able to play a lot of R & B music that people don't know about. I'm scared because sense a lot of stuff will be unknown that people won't dance and have a good time. I feel that sometimes I try to walk against the wind so much that I'll never get anywhere and that the wind will pick me up turn me around so that I have to go in the direction that everyone else is walking. That's how I'll feel about this show. Athens and the people who hang out in downtown Athens are kinda hypocritical in a way that sometimes they strive to be different in terms of looks, where they hang out, what music they listen to, etc. No matter how hard to try to go in the other direction, everyone eventually ends up working on the same page. So, my goal is to not succomb to that and follow my heart. I have Mr. JK to thank for getting me out of my shell and doing something fun. He's a great friend. Hopefully, everything will work out and people will have lots of fun when it's over and done.

I mean come on...who really wants to know

No matter how much you go to see a very close friend of yours play in a band or listen to their music...you just don't like the music they're playing. Your friends always ask for your opinion after something has been accopmlished and they always want an immediate opinion to tell you to be "honest.". I mean come on...what friend would tell another friend that their music sucked. No one would...

So why are we afraid to say what's really on our minds. Who knows...I was just wondering.

Until next time...

I Saw A Naked Chick Tonight!!!

I just found out that one of my favorite movies of all time is finally coming to DVD. Foul Play starring Chevy Chase & Goldie Hawn is finding a home on DVD. Foul Play was one of the movies HBO used to show all the time in the early 80s. Big Gray can definitely back me up on the aforementioned point.

Also, I'm very excited to report that I've got a DJ gig @ Wonderhaus with the uber nice Knut on Thursday, November 18th. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'm very very nervouse though. I really want to play good fun music and I want everyone to have a great time.

There's so much cool stuff going on this weekend and I can't to be a part of all of it because I have to study. Mr. JK is hosting another chilli cookoff at his pad Friday and that is the event I'm really looking forward to the most. Mr. JK can definitely throw an excellent party and I look forward to attending that cool shindig. There's also a cool punk rock show that I'm gonna be in attendance on Saturday night. Other than that...I'm gonna be quite the hermit attemping to study.

Well...that's it for now. I'm about to teeter off. Thanks for taking the time for tuning in to The Scrutinous Misadventures Of Reno Melons.

What is it with smoking in this town?

OK...so why is it that everyone in this town smokes or feel the need to be cool by smoking. I just don't get it. I love seeing cute boys in this town, and nothing turns me off more than seeing some cute boy light up. I mean EVERYONE in this town has to smoke. I definitely would've gone for an all out smoking ban. I mean come on...you don't want to make out with someone who's been smoking profusely. It's just like your making out with an ashtray. The very thought of that makes me gag. Believe it not...I'm just doomed. I'm gay and I must be one of 3 or 4 gay men...in the whole world that doesn't smoke. I believe that 99.6%...(hmm...maybe I'm not exaggerating enough) or make that 99.8% of gay men smoke which makes it more difficult for me to find a gay man to make out with let alone have a relationship with. Geez...

What else did I think about today? It seems as if everyone had the election on their minds today. I must admit that I was very upset about the results. I personally think that the good ole USA is in for some darkness over the next 4 years. It's not gonna be fun.

That's it for now...I'm pretty tired. I've got my date waiting. I wish you could meet it...my right hand. We're gonna watch some porn together. I will quite a night...lemme tell ya. Until next time.

Tom Waits Is A Saviour?

OK...who the hell declared that Tom Waits can be played in coffee shops while people are studying. The only place Tom Waits should be played is in the restroom in order to get your bowels moving. Hot Corner must have declared Tom Waits some kind of saviour because everytime I go there to study, his music is always blaring. How can I study listening to crap like that. I know that maybe I should bring my own stuff to listen to, but due to me constantly being financially embarassed...I can't afford a portable CD player. So...my lesson for all of you my children is that Tom Waits is evil in every capacity possible. Beware!!!